Password

You should give Her complete access to your life. Even if She never takes advantage of it, knowing you have nothing to hide tells Her She can trust you. She should be able to read your e-mails and text messages and listen to your voicemail. So give Her your password.

Your PIN.

You social security number.

You locker combination.

You secret handshake from when you were twelve.

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The Most Beautiful Bride

I went to a wedding recently.

There were flowers everywhere.

The men were in tuxes.

The women were in beautiful dresses.

The bride was a vision in white.

A gorgeous flowing gown.

An exquisite veil.

Her hair was perfectly coiffed.

Months of planning were obvious.

Everything was just breathtaking.

I thought of my wedding day.

She met me at the courthouse on Her lunch break.

She had changed at work.

She did Her makeup in the car.

She did Her own hair.

She was, and remains to this day, the most beautiful bride I have ever seen.

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Charlie Brown and Political Correctness

I just heard that an angry group has begun to protest against “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” A modern icon of a season that is all about joy and wonder and peace and friendship is under attack because some folks who believe that it is their right and duty to tell people “you can’t force your beliefs on me,” think the best way is to force their beliefs on everyone else.

When I first wrote and had published the following a few years ago, one reader went out of his way to read it, find my address, and mail me a nine page diatribe on why I was absolutely wrong and deluded, how I was being spoon fed a line by the establishment trying to brainwash the masses. He went to an awful lot of trouble to complain about something he doesn’t believe in.

I love Christmas, the sights, sounds, smells and tastes. I love how, for just a little while, everybody is who they think they should be. Then I see something like this ridiculous protest and I feel that this little letter has never seemed more appropriate.

Merry Christmas

 

Some folks say that it is not politically correct to say “Merry Christmas” to You because You may take offense.

PC is for politicians who must get elected.

When I wish You “Merry Christmas” I mean it.

I don’t just mean Happy Holidays. I mean Merry Christmas.

I am a Christian but, I am not trying to convert You or force my religious beliefs on You.

Christmas is important to me, so wishing You “Merry Christmas” shows how I feel about You.

So, Merry Christmas! I hope happiness finds You

And, although I am not Buddhist, when I say “Merry Christmas” please hear “A peaceful and joyful Vesak”

Merry Christmas! I wish that You have a season full of joy

And, although I am not Jewish, when I say “Merry Christmas” please hear “Happy Hannukah”

Merry Christmas! I hope You have Days of plenty

And although I am not Muslim, when I say “Merry Christmas” please hear “Have a blessed Ramadan”

Merry Christmas! I wish that your friends and family are safe and happy

Although I am not of African descent, when I say “Merry Christmas” please hear “Joyous Kwanzaa”

Merry Christmas! I hope You find some joy every day

Although I am not an atheist, when I say “Merry Christmas” please hear, “I wish You happiness”

I don’t know Your religious beliefs, or even if You have any but, I do, sincerely and with all my heart wish You a very Merry Christmas!

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Take A Walk in the Rain

A walk in the rain is romantic.

Walk barefoot together on the beach in a gentle Summer rain.

or

Get your good suit completely soaked running in a frigging monsoon to get an umbrella for Her.

Either way, a walk in the rain is romantic.

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Get Some Professional Help

If you truly, absolutely, in your heart of hearts know, without a doubt that you understand women. That you can predict Her actions and reactions. That there is no more mystery in that beautiful enigma we call woman. Congratulations, you have finally reached a state that many before you have attained.

Clinical delusion.

I can refer you to some excellent counsellors.

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Wife Rule #1 Third Edition

Never.

Never.

And I can’t stress this enough.

Never criticize the way a woman shoots.

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Those Three Little Words

She wants a partner who will live by those three little words. They should always be apparent regardless of the circumstance. She should read them in the way you work and play. In everything you do. In every way you do. She should absolutely see them when you look at Her. No woman wants someone beside Her who cannot, or will not give his all. You will never hear Her say, “I just love him, he is so careful and timid and unsure.”

So remember to live every day and make every decision with those three little words imprinted on your heart; Commit, Commit, Commit!

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